Category: the Rant Board
The following article show's just how far we still have to go doesn't it... let me know what you think. I'll post my thoughts soon.
Somebody's watching me, by Damon Rose
BBC Ouch! (UK), July 03, 2005
Disabled? Ever wondered what people think about you when you're in public?
Do you worry people might be staring and thinking you're a bit of a freak?
Ever told that you're just being paranoid and getting needlessly distressed?
Well, thanks to the internet, this morning I learnt that not only do people
talk about me when I'm out but believe I'm peculiar enough to post about me
on a notorious gossip website. I'm trying to work out what I think about it.
Read on ...
Last night I went out for a beer to a cool pub in West London. It was a nice
warm night and we bagged an outside table. What luck! I was meeting up with
four other disabled pals who I'd not seen for a while and was really looking
forward to catching up with them all.
Three girls, two boys. One of us had recently had a baby, another had just
been on a hot date and I was keen to know how she got on, another (a former
colleague) is now working for a big mobile phone media content company and
the other is currently between jobs. We're a smart bunch, we've all got
degrees n'everything. These are my pals and I commit them to you.
It was a really good night. We ate, had a couple of beers, and did what
thirtysomethings do. At quarter to ten, we split the bill 5 ways - £14.28 if
you care - left and resolved to see each other soon. It hadn't crossed my
mind that I was doing anything particularly spectacular or
out-of-the-ordinary. It's one of those pubs you feel comfortable in, not all
that many people know about it and it's not full of people egging each other
on to drink more and more. At ten I called a cab and went home.
This morning one of our group received a text message from a friend: "Did
you and Damon go to a pub with some disableds last night?"
She texted back saying: "yes, how come?"
His two word response was: "popbitch messageboard."
And sure enough, if you pop on over to Popbitch, you can read a comment from
someone who saw us.
Here's the full text lifted from Popbitch:
was in the pub last night and someone mentioned that there was a table of
'weirdos' behind us.
I thought he was being rude about a table of idiots but looking round I saw
a table with...
2 albinos, a dwarf, a facially deformed 'pinhead' type woman and an ordinary
bloke...
I laughed but said "they aren't *all* weird, one of them is just an ordinary
bloke.."
"no mate.... he's BLIND!" and right enough, he had a guide dog at his feet
it was a bit Geek Love and a bit like that bar in Star Wars
... it's a good job he didn't notice that a couple of us wear hearing aids
too! There is no doubt at all here, he is definitely talking about me and my
friends.
As I said at the top of the page, I don't quite know what to think about
this. Last night I went out for a beer and this morning my night out was
mentioned on an infamous celeb-spotting website. Me and my mates made such
an impression on the poster of this comment that it stayed with him until
9:35 this morning when he felt moved to tell thousands of other peple about
his weird experience.
Presumably he thought that the 'table of weirdos' story was funny enough to
make others laugh too; a good story to share. We certainly made him laugh.
IN case you're wondering, I was the blind bloke with the dog he mentioned.
Course, I'm half thinking about emailing the other four to just rub it in
that I look the most normal. But no, if you look a little closer, I'm not at
all! Ha, nearly fooled him. Maybe it was the dead ordinary black T-shirt and
jeans that threw him off the scent? But I mustn't do this to my friends,
that would be wrong, wouldn't it. (it would, right?)
Would we have stood out so much if we weren't in a group? Why wouldn't
'normal' people want to come out for a beer with us? Should we not have gone
out together?
He posted his message because we were different. Our little gathering amused
him. A bit of a freak show. Evening entertainment. And yes, in some ways, I
guess we are. Sometimes we joke about it between ourselves because it's just
an obvious thing to do. Lots of disabled people out there call themselves
'freak' to reclaim dignity and smash negativity around their identity. But
seeing this on a much-read messageboard? Makes me feel a bit weird, well,
weirder than usual.
Do people talk about you behind your back? Unquestionably. I would have
preferred it if this bloke had come over and laughed in our faces than post
it on Popbitch which, incidentally, costs ten quid to join before you can
post.
If you're reading this Hawkus, we often go to that pub during the summer.
Why not come over and say hello. Do you think you could? Oh and thanks for
giving me something to write about this week.
All I can say is that I have learned through harsh experience, some of the blindest people are those who can see. I've learned a lot about this since I went blind five years ago. Having a disability doesn't make us different. It's the people around us, who fear what they don't understand, who become different.
Well, I think that if you differ in appearance, then it is the case that people will perceive you as such. After all, how many of us could say that, if someone came and sat next to us, and that someone had two heads, we wouldn’t look at them a little differently? How many of us can honestly say we wouldn’t go home and say to a friend”this guy sat next to me earlier, and he had two heads!” And no perhaps we wouldn’t take the time to go and post it on a gossip website, or to call that person a freak or a weirdo, but … well takes all sorts I guess.
And I think also that people often perceive the disabled to be different because they can’t imagine how someone who has a disability manages to do things that they do, but that they sometimes have to use a different way of doing those things. It’s not always deliberate nastyness, but often it is just plain ignorance. And I think we’ve all been there. I remember seeing a programme about a woman who had no arms, and yet she had a baby. And she could lift that baby up using just her mouth, and I found that incredible. Not In a nasty, patronising way, but more because in my own view, if I had no arms, I can’t imagine how I would cope.
I think we still need to educate people a lot more though, but equal opportunities has come a long way since, say 50 years ago when people with learning disabilities were put in homes and the physically disabled were hidden from view.
Sadly there will always be people who will stare though, the thing to do though is to just be normal and the people who count will accept the disabled the way they are, as for the rest, well one might imagine that they are the same types who only go out with the most gorgeous people, and to whom looks are what make a relationship. The shallow type.
Couldn't agree more Genakay: as a friend of mine once said I'm tired of the bruises from banging my head against a brick wall...
Wow that is horrible. But I agree Sugarbaby. It is ofteh the case that if you look idfferent from others, you are called "weird".
I dunno. Like others have said, if you stand out, you'll get noticed, disabled or not. I don't like it but it happens, but I'd only know about it if I heard about it. Yeah, I would wish I could have charged a nice hefty admission fee if I knew people thought I was some kind of thing to look at, but it'll never happen. LOL! However, I think what really got me was that this group of disabled folk were casually referred to as "weirdos." To me, a weirdo is some guy who hangs out in a playground wearing nothing but a raincoat or who goes around hacking up McDonalds workers for the fun of it. Sheesh!
I agree Labyrinth. I don't like it either but ... it's the way it is.
If we accept things with its the way it is... we all may as well resign our freedom and so called democracy right now...also,if we condone complacency, we insult those who fought and are still fighting, for disability rights day in day out...I refuse to accept that I will be treated like an exhibit in the victorian freak shows..society must learn to cope with us, or admit, that their lack of acceptance is also a form of disability..
Yeah but would you do? I mean I would change it but you can't change people's ways, and you can't change our looks in the way that nobody can judge us like that.
You can try to educate others instead of just accepting the situation..difference creates fear, which is always a side effect of ignorance, if you remove the ignorance over disability, then you will in time dispell the fear ..at least in some and that is a start at least...
I'm definitely in two minds about this. On one hand, sure, this wasn't a nice thing to say and I realy don't think this is people's general opinions either actually, I think the guy who posted this on the boards is fortunately not your typical average person who thinks of all disabled people as freaks. However I know we do this too with others we don't know or associated with. Just look at goblin's views and numerous posts about the pathetic obease people who are losers, disgusting etc. Not to turn this into a goblin row though because too many discussions do but that's a good example of how we definitely harbour our own prejudices sometimes and you have to be able to receive what you give others. It's a bit demeaning but I think anyone who''s different, be it raise or fat content or disability or any other vissible physical characteristic subjects him or herself to negative comments like this from the less sensitive members of society. I'd rather people posted like this than thinking disabled people are so sensitive that they can't deal with a negative view. So, whereas this definitely is a bit sad I thinkn it really say a lot more about the poster than the society's general view of disabled people. I have to admit I was quite amused e.g. when I was walking through the hotel Rivierra in Las Vegas Sunday during the ACB convention and there were some 5 or 10 bind people wandering the halls with their canes and a lot of guests and staff trying to direct them to where they wanted to go. Not in a negative way but I was definitely amused and I would've made comment about it in my online blog if I had one.
cheers
-B
I agree, Wildebrew.